Identifier
Created
Classification
Origin
09DUBLIN137
2009-04-01 07:50:00
CONFIDENTIAL
Embassy Dublin
Cable title:  

LATEST BUDGET FIGURES FORCE IRISH GOVERNMENT TO

Tags:  EFIN PREL ECON EI 
pdf how-to read a cable
VZCZCXRO6043
RR RUEHBL
DE RUEHDL #0137/01 0910750
ZNY CCCCC ZZH
R 010750Z APR 09
FM AMEMBASSY DUBLIN
TO RUEHC/SECSTATE WASHDC 9907
INFO RUEHBJ/AMEMBASSY BEIJING 0231
RUEHLO/AMEMBASSY LONDON 2610
RUEHBL/AMCONSUL BELFAST 0971
C O N F I D E N T I A L SECTION 01 OF 02 DUBLIN 000137 

SIPDIS

E.O. 12958: DECL: 03/31/2019
TAGS: EFIN PREL ECON EI
SUBJECT: LATEST BUDGET FIGURES FORCE IRISH GOVERNMENT TO
GRIN AND BARE IT

Classified By: Acting DCM Ted Pierce; Reasons 1.4(b/d)

C O N F I D E N T I A L SECTION 01 OF 02 DUBLIN 000137

SIPDIS

E.O. 12958: DECL: 03/31/2019
TAGS: EFIN PREL ECON EI
SUBJECT: LATEST BUDGET FIGURES FORCE IRISH GOVERNMENT TO
GRIN AND BARE IT

Classified By: Acting DCM Ted Pierce; Reasons 1.4(b/d)


1. (C) Summary: In light of greater than expected budget
deficits and falling tax revenue, the Government of Ireland
is investigating a number of unorthodox solutions to the
financial crisis. While these proposals mark a dramatic
departure from traditional methods, it is unlikely that they
will be sufficient to right Ireland's economy. End summary.


2. (C) The Irish government is facing a budget deficit far
in excess of original estimates, with latest figures showing
a further Euro 2 billion decline in tax revenues. According
to sources within the Taoiseach's office, tax hikes and
budget cuts alone will be insufficient to close the gap. A
contact in the Department of Finance told Emboff that elected
officials from all political parties appeared to band
together during an extended Sunday session at Fagan's Pub,
located in former Taoiseach Bertie Ahern's constituency. We
spoke to Minister for Arts, Sport and Tourism Martin Cullen
who said, "(Former Taoiseach) Bertie bought a bit of the
Black Stuff and before we knew it, he had the whole thing
solved. If I'd have been Minister for Finance we never would
have been in such a dire state."


3. (C) Poloff recently spoke with Tanaiste Mary Coughlan's
special assistant who noted that, "Bertie, at one point just
started laughing for no apparent reason. No one could figure
it out until he said told us about his late-night visit to
the Hibernian and National Gallery." (Note: On March 23,
RTE, Ireland's national television and radio network,
reported that semi-nude paintings of the current Taoiseach,
Brian Cowen, were anonymously hung on the walls of two public
art galleries earlier in the month. The perpetrator was not
publicly identified. End Note) He continued, "I guess it was
at that moment that Bertie got the inspiration for the
calendar."


4. (C) As a result of the now-legendary "Fagan's Roundtable"
session, the Taoiseach's office is expected to introduce a
number of creative, revenue-generating projects. First, and
perhaps most controversial, is a 2010 calendar featuring
current government employees and, rumor has it, leading

politicians in less-than-Ministerial photo spreads. Toward
the tail-end of the Fagan's session, Mary Harney, Minister
for Health and Children, reportedly exclaimed saucily "if
someone wants to pay Euro 10,000 (USD 14,500) for that
painting of Biffo just think what a glossy of Eamon (Ryan,
Minister for Communications, Energy, and Natural Resources)
might fetch."


5. (C) When asked about the potential market for the
calendar, Foreign Minister Micheal Martin commented, "I think
America is our best hope right now given the combination of
the large Irish diaspora there, President Obama's ambitious
stimulus package that should put extra spending money in
people's pockets, and the willingness to spend that money on
all things Irish. I mean if they'll pay good money to see
Michael Flatley's Lord of the Dance, they'll buy anything."
Martin left the meeting muttering to himself, "Why he didn't
stop with Riverdance, I'll never know."


6. (C) The Irish government clearly recognizes that the
calendar revenues will not fill the entire shortfall in the
government's budget. Therefore, in order to stave off the
humiliation of an IMF-led bailout, the government will be
announcing a much-discussed plan to copyright a number of
traditional Irish terms and symbols, including shamrocks,
leprechauns, shillelaghs, "your man," the use of the
reflexive (yourself, myself, etc.) in place of the nominative
(you, I, etc.),the color green, and the Boston Celtics.
According to a well-placed source within the Department of
Finance, "the time is right for this plan, especially now
that the Boston Celtics are winning again. I mean, just
think of the merchandising revenue from the sale of keychains
and those bobble-head dolls." She added, "The government
coffers should swell by at least Euro 10 million (USD 14.5
million) from sales of "shamrock shakes" alone."


7. (C) Government sources admit this effort faces significant
obstacles not least of which is whether the whole scheme is
legal. Brushing breaches of international intellectual
property law aside, an Irish Justice Department said the
government is facing stiff opposition to the plan from
organizations representing so-called "little people." These
groups have already begun to plan a worldwide day of protest
and have threatened to sue the Irish at the WTO if the
government goes forward with the plan.


8. (C) A press release issued by Deep Roy, who played all of
the Oompa Loompas in the

DUBLIN 00000137 002 OF 002


vastly-inferior-to-the-original-Gene-Wilder-i nterpretation,
Johnny Depp vehicle "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory,"
noted that, "We have fought valiantly against such derogatory
terms as dwarf and midget. We are little people and for the
Irish government to try to balance its budget on our backs is
an abomination." He continued that a strong dose of wage
deflation combined with a classic Keynesian countercyclical
fiscal response would solve both Ireland's internal and
external imbalances. Our Justice Department contact told us
that General Mills' lawyers have held strategy sessions in
Fagan's with Irish government attorneys in order to pass on
lessons-learned derived from many years of ongoing "Lucky
Charms"-related litigation.


9. (C) Comment: The expected measures have captured the
imagination of Irish punters across the country. A local
bookmaking agency, Paddy Power, reports that the odds are
running against the government on all of the various
initiatives. The government's silence on whether boxers or
briefs will be the undergarment of choice in its calendar
offering has been the biggest money-spinner for the bookies.
(Note: Boxers appear to be the odds-on favorite but given the
outward appearance of many officials, this appears to simply
be wishful thinking. End note.) In spite of this intense
interest among out-of-work gamblers, we expect these efforts
to fall short of solving Ireland's financial dilemma. Happy
April 1.
FAUCHER