AMBASSADOR FASTS FOR NUCLEAR DEAL

UNCLAS SECTION 01 OF 02 NEW DELHI 000938

SIPDIS

SENSITIVE
SIPDIS

E.O. 12958: N/A
TAGS: PREL PARM TSPL KNNP ETTC ENRG TRGY IN
SUBJECT: AMBASSADOR FASTS FOR NUCLEAR DEAL


1. (SBU) This is an action request for SCA. Please see para

7.


2. (SBU) Summary: The Ambassador told Foreign Secretary
Shivshankar Menon April 1 that he will go on a hunger strike
until the UPA government submits the IAEA safeguards
agreement to the Board of Governors. Moreover, he continued,
like Mahatma Gandhi, he will march to the Department of
Atomic Energy headquarters in Mumbai in an effort to mobilize
public opinion in support of the nuclear initiative. In a
separate April 1 meeting, the Ambassador told National
Security Advisor M.K. Narayanan that the alignment of Jupiter
and Saturn in April would prevail on the Board to look more
favorably on the agreement than if the Board considered
approval in May. Narayanan countered that his birth chart
predicted a big international event in May, which he
interpreted as passage of the safeguards agreement.
Narayanan also expressed concern that the U.S. Embassy
chancery faced east, and advised the Ambassador to rotate the
foundation 90 degrees, allowing the sun and planets to assist
U.S. efforts on the nuclear initiative. The Ambassador
requests funding from SCA for the rotation of the chancery
and yoga classes. End Summary.

Menon Supports Ambassador's Nuclear Fast
- - -


3. (SBU) In an April 1 meeting with Foreign Secretary
Shivshankar Menon, the Ambassador conveyed that if the next
UPA-Left committee meeting on the civil nuclear initiative
prolongs the delay in submitting the safeguards agreement to
the Board of Governors, he will commence a fast. The
Ambassador warned that during the fast he will consume only
wasabi-and-lime-flavored California-grown almonds, on which,
he noted, the UPA government currently imposes a luxury tax.
Menon responded that such a fast might help force the
government to rise above "petty politics" and embrace the
Ambassador's "new-found Gandhian ethics." However, he
advised that lentils and ghee would provide more nutrition
than savory almonds during a fast.

Nuclear Yatra Also on the Cards
- - -


4. (SBU) The Ambassador also floated the idea of conducting a
march to the Department of Atomic Energy headquarters in
Mumbai in the days immediately before the next committee
meeting. The Ambassador asserted that he would wear a dhoti
(white robe) and chappals (sandals) and carry a staff while
he walked between villages and exhorted locals to support an
initiative that could potentially bring energy to the
countryside. Such a march could help illustrate that the
vast majority of Indians support stronger U.S.-India ties and
the nuclear initiative. Menon counseled against the march,
which he claimed would expose the Ambassador to potholes and
wild monkeys, but he suggested that the Ambassador begin
spinning home-spun khadi cloth in Roosevelt House to show
that Indians will have to make their own, energy-free
clothing if the nuclear initiative remains unfinished.

Narayanan's Planets Are Not Aligned with the Ambassador's
- - -


5. (SBU) In a separate April 1 meeting with National Security
Advisor M.K. Narayanan, the Ambassador related that he had
recently met with an astrologer, who observed that the IAEA
Board would approve the safeguards agreement in April, during
which Jupiter and Saturn share an alignment. In May,
however, Mars interferes with the larger planets, making the
Board decision more difficult to achieve, the Ambassador
cautioned. The interference of Mars will actually prove an
obstacle for the Communists, Narayanan corrected, and added
that the tilt of Venus towards Mercury during that time will
make them more "level-headed and rational." The Ambassador
asked how Uranus figures into the equation. Narayanan
acknowledged that Uranus could have a negative impact on the
voting of Ireland and Austria in the Board of Governors, but
he hoped that Neptune would counteract Uranus' adverse
effect. Narayanan asked for the Ambassador's thoughts
regarding Pluto's influence on the nuclear initiative. The
Ambassador replied, "Pluto is not a planet."

Narayanan Gives Vaastu Shastra Advice
- - -


NEW DELHI 00000938 002.4 OF 002



6. (SBU) Narayanan observed that U.S.-India relations have
suffered because the U.S. Embassy was not situated in proper
alignment with the planets and earth. While Embassy features
such as water fountains and flower gardens would normally
clear the mind and allow U.S. mission personnel to regard
India positively, the chancery receives too much shade, which
darkens the U.S. perspective towards India. "You should
shift the Chancery 90 degrees so that it faces east,"
Narayanan directed. An eastern facing Chancery would receive
the sun for longer hours, making the U.S. officers' outlook
towards India brighter, he said, and placing it directly
under the influence of the asteroid belt, which would give
the U.S. strength. The Ambassador remarked that he has
started yoga, and demonstrated the "sleeping dog" position.
Narayanan commended his flexibility, and recommended that he
attempt the "twitching scorpion" and "napping platypus,"
which would develop an aura to facilitate the completion of
the nuclear initiative. Narayanan warned him to stay away
from nuclear-themed yoga positions such as "breeding
plutonium" and "melting reactor," which would violate patents
submitted by India's nuclear scientists.

Action Request and Comment
- - -


7. (SBU) The Ambassador requests USD 250 million to shift the
Chancery 90 degrees, which, according to Narayanan, will help
facilitate the completion of the civil nuclear cooperation
initiative. Considering the stakes of U.S. firms in the
completion of the initiative, post suggests that the
Department approach General Electric and Westinghouse to
contribute. The Ambassador also requests funding for yoga
classes for the Embassy, which in addition to making the
mission more flexible and relaxed, will also help channel our
positive energy to contribute to the U.S.-India strategic
partnership.


8. (SBU) Comment: Happy April Fool's Day from Incredible
India!
WHITE