SEX IN SAUDI ARABIA - CLOAK AND DAGGER DATING

S E C R E T JEDDAH 000623

SIPDIS

SIPDIS

CORRECTED COPY OF JEDDAH 606, UPGRADED CLASSIFICATION

RIYADH, PLEASE PASS TO DHAHRAN; DEPARTMENT FOR NEA/ARP;
PARIS FOR WALLER; LONDON FOR TSOU

E.O. 12958: DECL: 09/11/2016
TAGS: KISL KWMN PREL SA SCUL SOCI
SUBJECT: SEX IN SAUDI ARABIA - CLOAK AND DAGGER DATING

Classified By: Consul General Tatiana Gfoeller, for reasons 1.4 (c) and
(d).

A WINDOW INTO THE SAUDI SOCIAL SCENE


1. (S) Recently, Pol-Econoff spoke with a number of young men
and women in Saudi Arabia. In one encounter, with a 29 year
old man named Abdul, Pol-Econoff learned about the Saudi
social scene. As both are roughly the same age, they began
to speak about what guys that age tend to speak about, namely
women and entertainment. Pol-Econoff had learned that Saudi
Arabia is devoid of cinemas, dance clubs, bars, restaurants
where unmarried/nonrelatives may sit together, dating, men
and women talking in public, women being seen, etc. Going
off of the assumption that people are people and that nature
bows to no one, Pol-Econoff asked him what young people do
for entertainment and dating. Abdul laughed and then
proceeded to tell of the many different tried and true
techniques for meeting members of the opposite sex and
"hanging around."

PARTY LIKE ITS WEDNESDAY NIGHT (virtual Friday in Saudi
Arabia)


2. (S) Regarding "chilling," this consists largely of, well,
sitting around in homes, with friends. There aren't any
places for regular young people to go, except for dinner at a
restaurant, where the sexes are completely segregated. Abdul
said that he and his buddies enjoy renting movies, which of
course have been edited so as not to sully the minds of
right-thinking Saudis with un-Islamic filth, such as a man
and a woman kissing. Abdul was casually aware that films
were edited, but as he was unaware of what he was missing, it
did not upset him, a la "ignorance is bliss." Abdul
mentioned that he and his friends go to restaurants and just
stay around. They also frequent the many malls in Jeddah.
At the mall, the men play a game, wherein they try to make
out the female forms under the all-black abayas. All women
cover their bodies. Most women cover their heads, and many
women cover their faces as well. The men are not allowed to
speak to the women, nor are they allowed to sit in the same
section as them in the food court. Pol-Econoff personally
witnessed security guards blow whistles and yell at men who
sat in the 'family' section. The men were third country
nationals who did not speak Arabic and could not read the
Arabic-only sign declaring that said section was off-limits
to them.

"IT IS A RISK"


3. (S) Abdul informed Pol-Econoff that if a woman looks
pretty then one of the guys will look around to make sure
that no security is present, and then he will run up to the
woman to give her his telephone number. Abdul mentioned that
many women are nice, but that some begin to yell for security
and make a big scene. Some of Abdul's friends are banned
from certain malls for such behavior. After hearing this,
Pol-Econoff still wanted to know more. For example, how
could a guy tell that a woman was pretty if he couldn't see
her. Abdul responded by explaining that the goal of these
encounters is to find a nice girl to converse with. Being an
American male, Pol-Econoff reactively asked, "Well, how do
you know if she's jamilla (pretty/attractive) or not?" His
response, "You don't." Pol-Econoff followed up quickly with,
"Why would you want to court a woman that you haven't seen?
What if she's ugly?" Abdul's answer was simple and to the
point, "It is a risk."

MEETING WOMEN SAUDI STYLE


4. (S) Pol-Econoff was intrigued by Abdul's story of meeting
women in the mall, so he asked what other techniques Abdul
had for a young lad new to the Saudi social scene. Abdul
informed Pol-Econoff that women jog around a particular area
on the Corniche in the evenings. He and many other Saudi men
park their cars nearby and stare at the black abayas running
by. Occasionally, the men will employ the same technique as
in a mall. The men will look around, and satisfied that
there is no security, they will run up to the woman and give
her the cell. phone number (always the cell. phone number).
Apart from running up to women and "throwing numbers at
them", in supermarkets Abdul explained that it was common for
a man to walk by a woman and drop his number in her bag.
Also, if he wants women to call him, he will place a 'for
sale' sign on his car with his phone number prominently shown
for any brave young woman to call him. Another strategy is
to dial numbers at random and see if a friendly woman answers
the phone. This can be very tricky, especially with caller
ID. One young Saudi woman informed Pol-Econoff that this
strategy was "out-dated. Thankfully we have Bluetooth."

FORBIDDEN LOVE


5. (S) The most exciting part of the conversation was when
Abdul began to explain the cloak-and-dagger techniques used
to date, or carry on a courtship. He was very proud of the
fact that he had a girlfriend. He whispered it to
Pol-Econoff, and then quickly went through his cell. phone
and produced a picture of her. With a smile on his face he
began telling of how they met through his sister. He then
got sad and confessed that he has asked her father for her
hand in marriage twice, but both times he has been rebuffed
because he is not a Saudi citizen and her father does not
believe that Abdul can give her a good life. This didn't
quite register so Pol-Econoff asked him if he was Muslim, he
answered in the affirmative, then Pol-Econoff followed up,
asking if he had been to jail or was divorced. He answered
"No, nothing, I'm just not Saudi." Like so many other men,
born and raised in Saudi Arabia, he does not have Saudi
citizenship, he is Yemeni. Jeddah is the only city that he
knows, but as his parents arrived in Jeddah from Yemen
without citizenship, he does not have it either.

UNDERCOVER LOVERS


6. (S) This part was sad, but Pol-Econoff still wanted to
know more so he inquired about how Abdul and his beloved
dated. Pol-Econoff asked Abdul if they spent time at his
house since they are unable to visit his girlfriend's. He
said quickly that he could not bring his sadiqa (girlfriend)
to his house since he lived with his parents and they would
never approve. Finally, he began to explain how he and his
girlfriend are conducting this undercover and forbidden
courtship. Abdul informed Pol-Econoff that he and his
girlfriend spend most of their time together in his parent's
SUV. "The windows are tinted and we talk for hours without
anybody bothering us," he said. "Yea..talking for
hours...rrriiigghhtt..," Pol-Econoff replied. "No really,
wa-la-hee (I swear),we just talk. Well sometimes we do
things, but nothing bad," Abdul said.

BLUETOOTH MANIA


7. (S) At this point, Pol-Econoff began to feel bad for the
guy. He seemed like a nice guy, in his late twenties, who
just wanted to have a girlfriend to be with. He told of how
they use Bluetooth technology, as do many of his friends, to
communicate. The two can't go to restaurants together
because somebody might see them and then they would both be
in trouble, especially her. Both of their families are very
conservative and would never approve of the two of them alone
together, even in a restaurant. "Sometimes we go to
McDonalds and we sit at different tables and communicate with
bluetooth or we whisper when we pass by each other," he
confided. Pol-Econoff asked him if he ever considered
putting on an abaya and covering his face so that the two
could be together without worry, but Abdul was not very
receptive to this idea.

THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS


8. (S) As in any country, dating habits depend upon means and
socio-economic status. Saudi Arabia is no different. Two
Syrians gave Pol-Econoff two very different stories about
dating life in Saudi Arabia. One confirmed the restricted
life that a Yemeni and two Indians shared with Pol-Econoff;
very similar to the situation that Abdul faces. The other
spoke of the great freedom on resorts and housing compounds
in the Kingdom. The second Syrian was rather well-off and he
explained how those young people with more means, who have
benefited from traveling out of Saudi Arabia, are frustrated
and restless in the country. The life that he proceeded to
describe to Pol-Econoff was very similar to life in the
United States or any other western country. Similarly, a
young unmarried Saudi woman in her early thirties spoke of
the restlessness felt by Saudi women regarding dating, but
she, like many others like her, retreat to the numerous
western-style resorts and compounds where the upper-crust
live. One Saudi woman told me of the prevalence of alcohol,
which is strictly forbidden in Saudi Arabia, on the private
beaches.

THE PLACES TO BE


9. (S) All restaurants in Saudi Arabia are segregated by sex,
but if a woman is present then men may enter the family
section. The Java Coffee shop and restaurant is a popular
place amongst the young and restless. Here in Jeddah groups
of men and women go together and are left largely unbothered.
There are social constraints for women to engage in such
activities, and the traditional would never allow themselves
to be seen in such a compromising position. Were someone to
witness them eating or drinking coffee with a man who is not
a relative, it could mean big trouble. Around Jeddah, there
are many places for curious men and women to go, such as
restaurants and coffee houses, but the men must/must have at
least one woman with them in order to gain entrance into the
family section, at which point they may speak freely. In
Riyadh, where the Mutawa are much more prevalent, such
behavior as has been described above, could get you into a
bind...but not in Jeddah. Al-hamdulillah!